Saturday, July 18, 2009

PUKEY PALS: Fatty Mattie and Electric Eric

My mom taught me a poem when I was little:
Fatty Mattie, Two by four
Couldn't get through the kitchen door
I never understood the two by four part. Two-by-fours are 2 inches by 4 inches. That's not big. Just yesterday I googled the poem and found the real version.
Fatty, Fatty, two by four,
Couldn't get through the bathroom door,
So she did it on the floor,
Licked it up and did some more
Yikes! It still doesn't clear up the Two-by-Four part. I was saddened to learn it's Fatty Fatty, and not Fatty Mattie. Anyway, this is what I've always imagined Fatty Mattie looking like.

When I was a kid, I touched both the + and the - prongs of a 9-volt battery to my tongue. The sensation was quite unpleasant. As miserable as it was on my tongue, I know it would be even worse on an eye.


  1. I remember that rhyme. I wondered if it was describing her size, maybe like 2 feet by 4 feet. :)

  2. I wondered that too, but it would be an odd body shape if it were double in one direction what it was in the other. Normally wouldn't it be a fairly consistent circular shape?

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  4. You're probably right... that would be an odd shape. After looking into it more, "two by four" may be rhyming slang for "whore." Here's the definition in google books:

    In rhyming slang, the more controversial word is usaully replaced by two other innocous words, where the last one rhymes.

    So if the poem is about a "fat poop-eating whore" ... on the more fundamental level then, it's probably really about some girl who's angry that some other girl stole her boyfriend.


  5. Ah, the old battery to the eyeball gag, eh? Haven't seen that in a while.

  6. Kevin - Wow, that's serious! Who would have thought that?

    Bob - Yes, it's like a reoccurring nightmare for me.


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