Saturday, July 3, 2010


Homeless fun!

There are a few phony homeless regulars in my town, and they have their favorite corners to stand on and collect cash from innocent old people. I think it was my grandpa who told me he asked a "Will werk fer fuud" guy if he wanted a job doing some yard work, and the guy made a sweeping hand motion for my grandpa to go away.

Anyway, I had this idea. I could get a cheeseburger to wave around and make up a cardboard sign like in this drawing, and find a homeless guy to stand beside.

This actually happened to me in Chicago's Chinatown.

And this actually happened to me also.
We go to Chicago's Chinatown a lot and they're swarming that place. I was told the best thing to do is not talk to them but sometimes they will corner me, and even grab my arm. Then I can't get away until I ante up the cash. Once I got clawed by a woman with dirty fingernails because I didn't have money for her. I checked my pocket and it was honestly empty. I've been cursed by them too.

I realize there are legit homeless people out there and I do feel sorry for them, but a lot of them prefer it over working. Supposedly some make really good money standing on corners. There's a couple here in Evansville who have it all figured out. The husband will drive his wife a block away from her standing-corner, and then she will get out and walk the rest of the way with her cardboard sign. She stands there for for however long they've planned for that day and then the husband comes back in his car and picks her up and takes her back home.


  1. Almost of all my encounters with people claiming to be homeless (and maybe they were) are identical to yours KW! I've trained my son to do this (and he did) offer to take the person right into the restaurant or fast-food place with you, have 'em stand in line next to you, buy em the burger, fries and coke (or coffeee) and hand it to them to eat. My boy has done this for two very grateful indigents. They got a meal and the boy learned the proper way not to lose money for someone else's booze. fwiw

  2. That's good advice, buy their food for them so they can't use it for something else.

  3. I
    'm gonna squat me an abandoned billboard with the following message: "Text 25 Cents to Lysdexicuss & I will wave when you drive by." And have all my food delivered to the foot of the ladder below.

  4. ha ha! You're always thinking of ways to make money!

    Another idea:
    1. Shift all your shirt buttons one off so there's an extra undone one at the top and the bottom
    2. Then stand on the median between cars at a busy intersection holding a long piece of pipe
    3. And every time a car stops at the light and you see people looking you flinch at them
    4. You could sit an empty whiskey bottle on the ground about 8 feet away from you

  5. Once I was at a stop light and saw a beggar with a sign standing on the corner. As I watched him, he looked at his watch, saw that it was 5pm, stuck his sign under his arm and off (most likely to his car or home). I guess he was one of those 9 to 5 beggars.

  6. Seems like if they can't get a job for mental or medical reasons they would get government money to survive. Maybe I'm completely unaware of something which would make sense of it all.

  7. Homelessness is a problem here in Toronto as well, but you can tell the phonies a mile away.

    I won't describe the unfortunate for obvious reasons, but here are the earmarks of one phony type that I see all the time.

    1. They usually have a dog, wearing a bandana..the dog is usually a pit bull terrier.

    2. Tattoos, head to foot.

    3. Piercings, head to foot.

    4. They are usually lying down, and smoking, drinking a huge cup of corporate coffee.

    5. They always seem to sport a "screw you" attitude.

    6. Oh yeah, they come equipped with an I-pod, a cell phone, and 300 dollar running shoes.

    We see this type of "beggar" all the time here.

    However it must be said that I cannot pass some one with a limb or more missing without leaving some cash. Also, anytime I see a musician, I have to leave cash as well. I love a good busker.....and you know, they are out there trying to make a living, unlike the phonies who are trying to get some cash so they can take transit back home to their parent's basement!

    There was a lady here a few years ago, who was known as the "shaking lady"....she used to beg at one of the main intersections, and she was hard to miss, because she shook violently...never stopped. She touched a lot of people, and she did very well. It always seemed she had a pile of money in her basket..20 dollar bills etc.

    A reporter followed her one night after she left. She walked 6 blocks to her car, shaking all the way..she got into the car, still shaking! He followed her home to her house. After she went in the reporter rang her bell, she answered and she was not shaking any more.

    She had a house filled with all the good things in life, big screen tv, fancy furniture etc. And a huge car!

    So the reporter blew the whistle on her, wrote a story, and she was a shaking lady no more.

    In a way, I kind of admired her, despite the fraud.

  8. This advice should be taught in school. I love the shaking lady story. I guess I kind of admire her too. That almost seems like more work than just getting a regular job, doesn't it? She deserves the good life for that performance. Thanks for the visit and the comment Willy!


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