WOODEN COMBINATION LOCK

This is a wooden lock made from poplar. It's most effective on a different planet where there are no saws or sharp pocket knives. I remember having a toy plastic lock from a cereal box when I was little. It had 3 dials, but it was very easy to open. You could turn the bottom dial until the lock opened 1/3 of the way; then you could turn the middle dial until it opened 2/3 of the the way; and then you could turn the last dial until the lock opened all the way. I didn't trust it with my valuables!

I made sure this lock wouldn't open until all the dials simultaneously were in their correct positions. I put 4 little pins inside instead of 1, so even if 1 pin was aligned with a slot, it wouldn't move if the other 3 pins weren't aligned with their slots. In order for the dials to rest on top of each other, and not occupy the same space as the pins I hollowed out the dials so they were like little upside down cups.

GORILLA!

This is some bootleg DVD box art for an out-of-print movie called GORILLA made in 1956, and directed by Sven Nykvist. My friend Allen sells it if you want to buy it. (Ask me for his phone number) BUT!! Before you buy it - read... shudder

Here's the plot (found off the internet) :

In this adventure, set deep within the Belgian Congo, a local witch doctor decides the only way to stop a rampaging gorilla from terrorizing his people is to sacrifice a new-born baby. Meanwhile a local game warden and a journalist researching a story on the natives team up to stop the crazed simian. As they endeavor, the two fall in love. They succeed in stopping the beast and then as they part, vow that they will meet again someday.

The most memorable part of this movie is they actually murder this gorilla! They shoot the thing and you see it drop, and it ain't no special effect! The thing is dead! Then they go over and poke at it to make sure. It must have been before the humane society got involved in movie-making. When they are standing over it and lifting its arm and letting it drop back down it's pretty disturbing, almost as disturbing as if it were a dead human lying there.

Hey, as a side thought, I remember in high school they said you say "lay down" for inanimate objects, and "lie down" for people. Do you then say "lay down" for dead people?

MYSTERIOUS MOON OF ZANZIGRORX

I don't know why someone would have a switch like that on their suit, but it seems science-fictiony and high-tech to have one.

It's a symmetrical (on a color wheel) color scheme. There are names for color schemes like primary, analogus, triadic, quadratic, blah blah blah... HECK! I cain't remember all that! It's easier to just remember to keep the patterns symmetrical on a color wheel.

If the color wheel were a bicycle wheel, then I'm talking about the spokes of the wheel being symmetrical. The amount of spokes isn't as important as their symmetricalness.

The easiest is the "I" shape, which is just 2 opposite colors on the wheel.

The "Y" shape looks good. The 2 arms of the Y can swing out at any angle as long as they swing out symmetrically with each other.

On this space alien picture I used a "peace symbol" shape.

Yellow is the root color, and then flanking the yellow symmetrically on either side is green and orange. His suit is nearing blue which is not a part of this color scheme, but since it's almost white, it doesn't really disrupt anything too badly.

Purple is a safe color to use since it's exactly opposite of the root color yellow, and keeps the symmetrical formation of the color scheme. Actually I could just as easily say purple is the root color and yellow is the opposite. "Root" color doesn't really mean main color; It kind of delineates the centerline of the color scheme spoke arrangement. I could use or not use the purple and I'd still have a symmetrical spoke arrangement; likewise I could take or leave the yellow and it wouldn't really disrupt anything as far as a color scheme goes.

It's not important to have exact proportions of each color in your color scheme. In fact it's better to pick one as the main color (and it doesn't need to be the root color) and then use the others in small quantities. The smallness of the color doesn't affect the noticability of the color. If it's a symmetrically-shaped color scheme it will work even in tiny doses.

TOR!

Here is a painting of horrible actor, Tor Johnson. Even though he was bad at acting, he seemed like a nice enough guy in real life. His big meaty head is very fun to paint. No hair, no pupils, lots of wrinkles, and very ugly.
ENLARGE

Here's the photo I used.

WOODEN DART GUN

This was quickly built as an experiment to see if it would be worth going ahead and building a fancy version. It's a rubberband-powered dart gun, and the cool thing about it is the more rubberbands you use, the more powerful it becomes.

Rubberbands hook onto dowels at the end of the barrel and stretch around a pin on the back of the ramrod. It works best if the same amount of rubberbands go on each side. The trigger is a rooster catch used to hold cabinet doors shut. When the trigger is released the ramrod slams whatever is inside the barrel out with pretty hefty force. I put a 16-penny nail in it and shot it into a piece of plywood, and it stuck! Any pencil-sized object works as ammunition. 

One downside to this design: You can't aim down at something or your ammunition will fall out of the barrel. BUT anything horizontal or upwards better look out!

At first I thought this would be a fun kid's toy. Now that it's finished though, I can see how kids shooting nails could end badly. CLICK TO ENLARGE

TRANSLATIONS

Here are some photos of translated signs I took on my trip to China. Also English words are considered to be cool in the same way we think getting Chinese characters tattooed on our skin is cool. Sometimes my wife will tell me someone's tattoo doesn't mean exactly what that person probably was hoping it meant.

I thought this was a way cooler name than the other version.

This is the new sequel to Disney's Flubber movie.

First they hook me with the tempting picture on the package, and then they reel me in for the kill with that delicious description.

On a hot and balmy day when your mouth is parched, nothing quite satisfies like the crisp cool taste of Sweat! And nothing beats the delicious smoothness of Pocari brand sweat!

YUCK! Don't order any of THAT!

100% Disney-approved!

Or "E"s.

Psychedelic exit

STUFFED BAT

I got this taxidermy bat when I went to Thailand last Summer. I thought it was the greatest thing in the world when I saw it, and it was only about $3 or $4 dollars American money. I bet it was even cheaper than that, but since I was a tourist I got the high price. It's fairly large too; it's got a 13" wingspan. He's got red glass eyes which give him a seriously creepy expression. It says "HAIRLESS BAT" but he's got a pretty hairy body.

Mei was okay with me buying it. She said it would look very nice in my TV room. Translation: It ain't going in the living room.

I was worried I wouldn't get him onto the plane because they give you a card to fill out, and it asks if you are bringing any food, soil, or animals into the country. I talked with someone and they said at this point it's no more an animal than my leather belt and I'd be okay. I was surprised the window of the glass box wasn't shattered with the way luggage guys fling suitcases.

I bought it pretty early on in my vacation, and after I bought the thing, it consumed my every thought. I worried the entire trip I was gonna break it or lose it, or it would be stolen. Mei would periodically comfort me and tell me nothing would happen to it, but I felt like something was bound to happen. Usually when I like something that much, fate will destroy it. Amazingly though it did make it home.

Here's an unfinished bat drawing:

DARRYL WAS AN OCTOCLOPS

Back in school when Darryl wore glasses all the kids would laugh and chant, "16-Eyes, 16-Eyes! Ha ha!"

HERB'S HORRIBLE MEXICAN VACATION

This is a fake children's book cover. Parents probably wouldn't want their kids learning how to bull fight from a book with bad grammar errors.  
ENLARGE

HAND CARVING

I made this specifically to hold those finger puppets. Some of the puppets stood on their own, but some had arms hanging lower than their waistline, so they had to lie on their backs. It can also be used to hold rings and bracelets.

I'm left-handed so I used my right hand as a model when I carved this wooden hand. I glued the thumb on as a separate piece of wood. That way I was able to roughly saw out all the fingers and palm curve without worrying about cutting through the thumb.

BIG BOY AND HIS SHAMEFUL ARM

I scanned my Big Boy bank and then rotated his hamburger-lifting arm back down into normal at-rest position with my computer. Look at it! It's disgusting and freakish! I didn't add anything to it. I just rotated it at the shoulder, and again at the elbow, and that's what happened. What kind of nuclear radiation is that burger emitting?

 

FLIPPERSTEIN (upside down face guy)

This is an animated GIF but I guess in order to see it move you gotta save it to your computer and open it in a web browser. For some reason it just sits and doesn't do anything in my blog. It's not a big deal since in the animated version he only rotates.

I've made upside down face drawings like this before, but I was more happy with this one than the others since every line was actually meaningful in both directions. Usually in these drawings, there are some parts the viewer just has to ignore, like nostrils and teeth on the forehead. I wish I could figure out a way to put neck bolts in it but if I did, then he'd also have to have temple bolts.

CROWS painting

This was going to be a fairy tale style children's story involving crows, potatoes, an old castle, and a scared kid. This is as far as I got. The crows keep coming back for more potatoes until the kid has no more. The crows give the kid three days before they come back. The kid must figure out how to satisfy the crows' potato demands or she can never leave the castle's prison tower. Being locked up in a castle makes it very difficult to produce potatoes, so the kid must think up an ingenious plan.

Kind of like in the Escape Hatch painting I posted a while back, this painting has 2 light sources: one being the moon, and the other coming from the opposite direction inside the room.

The stoney walls were fun to paint. After doing the overall base color, I drew stone or brick lines in with the shadow color. When that dried I used the highlight color and hit the edges facing the light. 

COW!

This cow stares at you while you try to look at the pretty farm scenery until you feel uncomfortable about it all and walk away.

QUESTOR THE ROBOT

Meet Questor. His name comes from the word I remember seeing stamped onto Tinkertoys when I was a kid. I never knew what it meant but it sounded robotic. My original plan was to make a robot I could use as a character in a movie. It's still the plan but so far no movie.

He's about 40" tall, made from stuff I found at the dollar store or in my junk drawer, all held together with screws and super-glue. I think the hummingbird feeder head is the most important part. If you wanna be inspired to make a robot, go to Lowes or Home Depot or Walmart and look at the hummingbird feeders. They have all kinds of shapes and sizes, and every single one of them looks like a robot head. Some have flowers around the bases; those would be good for girl robots.

If you look at Questor's back (2 images up) you can see a top-hinged trap door disguised as a rocket pack. When you reach inside the trap door, you can control his mouth, turn his head, and move his arms up and down, like a ventriloquist dummy. I figured that was would be enough live control I needed, and the rest, like laserblasts and flying could be edited in with the computer.

His shoulders, elbows, hips, knees and ankles all move too, but to control those I'd need to use strings, or make sure my hands are out of frame when I move him.

To make his brain, i got a styrofoam ball and mounted it onto a stick. I spray-painted it black so it wouldn't be as noticeable, and then I stuck about a pound of radio parts into the styrofoam ball until every inch of it was covered.

Phony movie poster, starring my niece and nephew.

NOTEBOOK COMICS

FRANKENSTEIN MONSTER SKETCHES

PHOTO MANIPULATIN'

Everyone's always asking me, "Hey Keith, how can I make it look like I've peeled the skin off my face?"

Just open up the scanner and lean the side of your face over it, and as the scanner moves, roll your head to the opposite side.

ENLARGE or it won't work
Here's a homemade stereogram picture. I had 2 pictures of my head, each slightly different. After taking the 1st picture, I moved the camera 3 or 4 inches to the side and took the second picture. When I put the 2 pictures side-by-side I had to test them to see which one belonged on the left and which on the right.

There are red dots over the centers of each of the pictures. If you can stand it, cross your eyes enough for the 2 dots to overlap, and my face will pop out in horrifying 3D.

This thing was just laying in the driveway!

PENCIL PORTRAITS

I've been doing these for extra moola. I charge $60 PER FACE and size isn't really a factor (other than available paper sizes). Actually I prefer larger, since I don't need to do a lot of finicky, eye and hand straining details. A group of faces is still $60 per face even if they are all on the same piece of paper.  

I prefer working from photos rather than live models since I don't have to worry about them wiggling around. Also their expressions change from happy to angry as they see how their portrait is coming, so their face becomes a mixture of joyous, tearful, frightened and furious emotions.

Babies and pretty people are very difficult to draw since they don't have distinguishing wrinkles, warts, sores, or missing teeth I can exploit. I love drawing ugly people for this reason. In light of this, I've made a new special offer. Ugly people are cheaper since their likenesses are easier to capture. I am the judge of whether or not you are ugly, so you can't claim yer ugly just to get a better deal! I'm on to you cheapskates! HA!

Those last 2 guys got one of those special deals I was talking about.

PALINDROME NAMES

Kind of a palindrome but not really. Not exactly an ambigram either, I guess, since it doesn't work upside down. I made this name to look the same when viewed in a mirror. Is there a word for something like this?

It was for my friend whose name is Robert Canada II. In a mirror is says Robert Canada II, see?

This is my own name "Keith." This one is an ambigram since it works upside down. I like this one because it looks the same 4 different ways: Straight on, upside down, in a mirror, and upside down in a mirror. It's like a 4-piece pie with a center point. I still can't figure out a good way to do my last name "Seifert" but I haven't given up.
I've made lots of these for my friends and family. I think I like these because I like symmetrical stuff.

When I was around 6 or 7 years old, I didn't want to wear a baseball cap because it only had a bill on one side. I was almost okay with a Sherlock Holmes hat since it had 2 bills, but what would have been the ultimate perfect hat would have been one with 4 bills pointing in the north-south-east-west directions. I remember approving of the Gilligan hat.

Here is "Nash," "Wells," and "Kevin."