CULTURAL FRANKENSTEIN

I had a bunch of Frankenstein stuff in boxes and Mei said she wanted to help me display it on shelves in a back room of our house. She chose the back room so when people came over they wouldn't think we were freaks. She did all the arranging one day when I was at work. When I came home she showed it all to me and it looked really nice. It's been in there for a while now, and I just now happened to notice this.

Notice how there's nothing in Frankenstein's hand?

That's because it's in his bride's hair. Mei did that. Also the Bride has had her elongated Marge Simpson hairdo poofed out into a nice round afro. I guess Mei thought that was how it was supposed to be. Isn't that pretty?

I guess most people know the thing with the flower and Frankenstein and the throwing of the girl in the water. Right? I assumed it was common knowledge. When Mei saw a flower I guess she figured it must go in that pretty lady's hair. Mei said she'd never heard of Frankenstein. It boggles my mind sometimes when something so popular over here is unheard of in other countries. She's also never heard of the Beatles. She said she did know who Elvis was, but she didn't know his name because they call him Wang Mao (King Cat) over there.

But maybe it's not culture-related. Maybe this could be due to Mei not being a guy. Maybe girls don't care about Frankenstein as much as guys regardless of what country they are from. I left the flower in the afro.

GEORGEOUS GORGE #1: "Free dog food"

CLICK TO ENLARGE

I experienced this mental torture last Summer. I saw a free dog food sign and got excited. Then I found out there was a catch.

This character is the same guy as in a Blood Count comic, sort of. His his nose became less pointy and his pants disappeared, but other than that he's the guy.

CHRISTMAS IDEA

Now that Christmas is coming you will probably be able to buy those Rankin-Bass abominable snowman figures for $1. I am talking about the kind that grow 600% in water. You know those things!

Step one:
Go get one

Step two:
Put it in a bottle with a lid

Step three:
Make an 'abominable fetus' label for the front of the bottle

Step four:
Wrap it up and give it to someone you love

RESIN TIKIS

A friend of mine owns a resin casting company and he cast some of my tiki carvings. I have several for sale now. I can sell them unpainted as customizable masks. They are fairly heavy and I'm not sure how much the shipping will be.

The little white pieces are optional bones to go in the nose of the larger tikis. I guess they'd work in the small ones too for that matter. The bones come in 2 halves so a hole can be drilled in each nostril and the bone can be glued in. Ideally the holes should aim at each other so the bone halves look like one continuous piece. Maybe the best thing to do would be to drill a single hole all the way through.

Size comparison next to a wiener dog.

FAN-TASTE-IC

A companion piece to the last post, Smellebrate. It's meant to go on a kitchen wall. Bathroom walls would be totally wrong for these two pieces.

SMELLEBRATE

I thought maybe it could be hung on the wall of a bakery, or some such place where things smell tasty.

BLOOD COUNT #5

It's the 1st time nobody dies at the end. It also debuts the Count's horde of vampire women.

GORILLUSTRATION

I like his body okay, but I'd like to redo his head. It's not got any personality.

COOLEST VIDEO EVER, ON THE ENTIRE PLANET

IMMEDIATELY watch this video before you do any other thing in your life! If you've already seen it, then you know what I'm talking about. You know never again will you experience another thing so profoundly stunning during the rest of your days here on Earth. If you haven't seen it yet - You're welcome. I feel like I'm about to become an important figure in your life for being the one who introduced it to you.

Also, be sure to watch it all the way through for as hard as it is to believe, the freaking-out intensifies as it goes.

I honestly think there's nothing else this planet could possibly offer to top this. Upon witnessing things like this, old classic cartoon characters would often say "Now I'va seena everteeng!" and then pull out guns and shoot themselves in the heads.

This scene comes from a movie called "Ellam Inba Mayam" made in 1981. The song is "Solla Solla Enna Perumai."

BABOON COCOONS (from the Moon)

When I'm bored I usually draw one of two things: monkeys or frankensteins. It always seems to come down to that. I guess a Frankenmonkey would be the most perfect thing I could ever draw. I don't dare draw it though because then the fantasy would be over.

Today was monkey day. I added some words so it would look like a book cover. The more distant the monkeys were, the less opaque I made them so they seemed like they were fading in the distance.

Here's a single monkey pod.

Maybe when these monkey pods hit the ground they sprout arms and legs so they're mobile, and able to make trouble.

BLOOD COUNT #4

When you think about it there are cross shapes on just about everything, even evil stuff. If you were a vampire I don't believe you'd be as bold or as cool as the movies make vampires out to be. I bet you'd more likely hide in your apartment all day with the lights out, and get the jitters every time you heard a bump.

BLOOD COUNT #3 (part2)

I feel like a dope for obsessing over these bats, but a friend whom I shall refer to as the Apocolyte suggested I try the bats again, but less bats. It sounded like a good idea to me.

BLOOD COUNT #3

CLICK TO ENLARGE

Originally there were bats in the sky but I felt like they served no purpose and cluttered it up, so I instructed them to skeedaddle. I also didn't want people to think the bats somehow played a part in the joke. Since these are minimalist style comics I figured if an entity didn't absolutely have a specific purpose for being there it needed to not be there.

BLOOD COUNT #2

Here's number 2. I added gray to this one to separate some things. It looked cleaner and easier to decipher than having a black table. I know the obvious solution would be to do it in color, but I like black and white comics sometimes.
Click to enlarge.

I don't know if it's true or not, but I read left-handed people prefer to work in black and white rather than color. I don't remember all the science behind it but at the time I read it, it seemed like they did some thorough research. I'm left handed and I can say I do enjoy black and white, but I don't know if it's my favorite.

BLOOD COUNT #1

Here's the 1st comic strip (of 2 completed so far) featuring a new character called Blood Count. (Get it? Wakka wakka!) My goal will be for him to die at the end of each comic strip, but I'm open to the idea of him living as long as he's miserable.

I couldn't decide whether to call him Blood Count or Vlad the Imp. I liked both equally. The only reason I went with "Blood Count" was so the next comic strip (coming Tomorrow) would work. Below is the exact same comic strip with a different title.

WEIRD OLD PUSH-DOWN TOYS

I like these things. I guess they came from gumball machines. They seem 60s-ish if I had to guess. They have springs inside so you can compress them. When compressed, little smart-aleck messages pop out of their heads.
"NEVER"
"DOWN WITH EVERYTHING"
The last guy just says the same thing as the 1st guy.

STRANGE PLAQUE

Here's a weird plaque given to me by my friend. It's a made of fake wood about an inch thick. Neither of us could figure it out. He said it was in his mom's attic. It's very nicely done and all but- - WHY?! Who would make this? The strangest part to me is the fact that is has a hole in the back so it can be hung on the wall. I can't imagine an appropriate time or place where this would be good on someone's wall.

Also it's manufactured from a mold, so there are more than one of these things on the Earth. If anyone knows please inform me. Although it's done very skillfully in a classic style it's almost frightening as it is. Look at their cold dead faces, especially that main guy's. Since there are 3 of them, they look like they're from kind of secretive ancient underworld organization. It's like a scene out of a horror movie. What's most disturbing to me is knowing that baby's gonna be dead soon, since tugging on one arm and one leg probably isn't gonna fix his colic. Even face down it probably won't fix it.

Maybe it's just a single piece of a bigger set? Maybe there were a big series of pictures showing the treatment of colic through the ages? Now that would explain everything, and THAT would definitely look good on a wall!

For the record, Yes, it's been on my wall. It lasted about as long as it took for my wife to see it and shame me into removing it.

BIBO CLOCK

If you look in novelty catalogs like Archie McPhee you already know what this is. If not, it's a Bibo clock. Bibo is a weird little elf guy who has problems. I want to like him but since he wakes me up in the morning I hate his guts.

When the alarm goes off, he chants out non-English weirdness and the light in his forehead blinks. I thought since he was made in Japan he was speaking Japanese, but I played it for a lady who speaks Japanese and she couldn't make heads or tails out of his jibber-jabber. You can see him in action on Youtube.

Side view. If you think that looks like his butt is sticking out...

...You would be right! What's the deal with that?! If you were an elf and you were going to wear an outfit, wouldn't the butt be the ONLY thing you'd really need to cover in the back? Why even bother? It would be like having shoes with no soles.
There. Now I'm not the only one who had to look at it.

CHRISTMAS! CHRISTMAS! CHRISTMAS!!

I felt cheated out of my Halloween this year. Before Halloween was even here the stores were already selling Christmas stuff. Thanksgiving isn't even here yet for crap's sake!! As I get older I am starting to dread Christmas. It took me a long time to be able to admit it to myself because as a kid it was the greatest day ever. As a kid the gifts poured in, as an adult I get a pair of socks.

In honor of Christmas I am submitting this festive red and green drawing. Print it full scale on card stock, cut it out and put it together! Fill it with red jellybeans or Advils or something. I made pills out of wooden dowels and painted them red. Merry Christmas!
CLICK TO ENLARGE

2 OLD PICTURES, 1 NEW

Here in my city we used to have a thing called Ohio River Arts Festival where painters, carvers, musicians, etc could set up booths and pretty big crowds would come to see. I was 18 or 19 here in this picture. I'm not sure why they quit having these shows; they seemed to be really popular. I remember a lot of people asking how I would go about carving a chicken. I was being serious when I said "cut off everything that's not a chicken" but I later learned that's a joke answer carvers like to say. I was being completely sincere when I said it.


This was an advertisement to draw businesses into the city. I was about 20 in this picture. Some people have commented on my luxurious eyebrows during this time period. Nice huh? I still have thick eyebrows but now they aren't as noticeable due to the graying factor.


This photo shows my sweet wife Mei with the current fatter, balder, grumpier and sloppier me.

THIS IS WHAT I'M WAITING TO SEE