THE SCREAMING WILHELMS #5

Here is the newest Screaming Wilhelms comic. You can see the older Screaming Wilhelms comics by clicking HERE and routing around.
The above comic is an expanded version of this old notebook comic:

CARLTON HOUSE DESK DESIGN

For my day-job I work at Karges Furniture. I've been there since 1990, first as a wood carver, and then moved into the engineering department. Recently I was allowed to design my first piece of furniture. I've always liked Carlton House desks so that's what I chose as my first project. What I like about Carlton House style desks are the walls of tiny doors and drawers curling around the guys who sit at them. It feels very private and personal, and nice if you need to concentrate.

Now that more and more people are using laptop computers, I suspect old-fashioned desks like these will make a comeback. People don't really need giant computer desks with printer, scanner and tower cavities anymore. Now with Wi-Fi the printer can be put anywhere, even in another room.

This desk uses mahogany solids, with mahogany and prima vera veneers. The white inlay lines are holly tree wood. Before applying stain to this desk, all the holly inlay lines had to be covered with a frisket, which is sort of like liquid latex rubber. This prevented the stain from darkening those places. After the stain had cured the frisket could then be removed by simply rubbing it off with fingers. The frisket-appliers cussed me real good for all those skinny lines.
I like secret compartments a lot. I'm not gonna say exactly where there might be secret compartment in this desk, but there could be some surprises here and there, on the inside. Those are not secret compartments on the sides in the photo above. They're much sneakier than that!

Above is a closeup of the inlay work. To make the shading on the white strips of holly, the tips of each piece were placed in hot sand until they were burned dark enough.

I'd love to own one of these desks since it was made to possess all the elements I personally love, but I'm gonna have to save a while to be able to afford one. They cost as much as a car.

NEW TOY

New-ish. It's used, but new for me... sort of. It's called the Ibanez Tube Screamer TS9. I had one of these guitar pedals about 20-something years ago. I left it at a buddy's house and as time went by it became more and more awkward to ask for it back. To make a long boring story a short boring story: I never saw it again.

Ever since I lost it I haven't been able to get a sound I liked on any other pedal, and I've gone through a bunch. For the longest time I couldn't get another one of these because they were discontinued and the price zoomed up on Ebay. Now they're easily accessible again. This pedal records very well. It sounds good no matter what type of music you play on it. I think opera backing music would even sound good on this pedal. Maybe even country! he he! Just teasing.


Before you get mad about the country music - gaze into the eye of the wiener dog... Your anger shall dissipate.

MY GREEN-MAN DREAM: Plagiarism-able school assignment material

I've decided to start helping students who are having trouble with writing assignments. I know how it is sitting up that night before a paper is due, racking your brain trying to think of something you can write about. Kids, I'm happy to say there will be no more need for that. I am going to allow anyone to plagiarize this story as their own.

Get your pencils out, here it is:

MY GREEN-MAN DREAM

By ________________

A while back I had a dream about a green-colored man with a long heavy head. So heavy in fact, he could not stand upright. He stood in a stooped position and looked at me. I remember noticing his shadow; it seemed very important at the time. After I woke up I couldn't remember why the shadow was so important. His head looked like some kind of vegetable with asparagus points on the top. To the best of my ability I drew what I saw in my dream. SEE DIAGRAM BELOW (Write it in all caps like that so the teacher thinks it's important.)

He stood motionless almost like a vegetable yet he did very subtly, almost unnoticeably, turn his head when I walked to a different place so I was never out of his line of sight. I was afraid to look away because I didn't know what he was capable of. I wondered if he'd attack if given the chance.

A football is not a very good gift. (Good finisher-upper.)

Well, that's it. Use it freely and enjoy your easy A! I don't allow you to copy the drawing though. Not because I value it, but because the teacher should see something created by your own hand. That will make it more authentic. If anyone does draw their own version of this guy I'd love to see it. Email me some pics or links!

WHAT IS THIS FRANKENSTEIN TOY?

I need help. Does anyone know the name of this toy, or where it came from? He's just under 2" tall. My friend gave it to me and he couldn't remember the name, but he said it was a part of a set of figures.

He said it was designed to pull apart so you could mix and match heads and limbs.

The back of the toy says:

(C) 2007
WILD PLANET
ENT., INC.
MADE IN CHINA

I googled that and came up with nothing. I really like this weird little guy, so I'm curious what the other monsters looked like.

ADORABLE AL CAPONE KEEPSAKE BOX

This was so weird I had to get it. We went to Chicago Chinatown and I saw this in a gift shop. It's a precious little ceramic box with a sweet little brass bow tie latch on it, and it just happens to glorify a horrible scoundrel. Right on!

Here's the right side. See the little bullet holes? Cute, huh? I know it!

The left side:

The back has a beautiful signature in the handwriting style of the man himself, fired permanently into the ceramic. It's the little details that make it so special. It's a keepsake to be treasured and passed on through the generations.
My Grandma used to live in Chicago back in the 1920s and 30s with her dad, mom, and a bunch of siblings. She always had lots of stories about the good ol' days. I remember one gangster-related story she told me.

One time her entire family was in the car waiting at a red light, and another car pulled up beside. She said there were some men in the other car and they all had guns. According to her they were holding Thompson machine guns. These men intently studied each face in my Grandma's car, one at a time. When they'd seen every face and decided these weren't the people they were looking for, the men drove on down the street and were gone.

I remember being just old enough to do the math in my head. "Hmm... If they'd have killed Grandma then my mom wouldn't have been born! Then who'd take care of me?! Where would I live?!"

HAIR IN THE EYE OF THE BEHOLDER

This is an old comic I don't think I ever posted on this blog.

DOODLES FROM THE TRASH HEAP

These are Post-It note doodles. Sorry in advance.

SINISTER WINSTON'S PRANK TIME - MORE Fun With Ears

Not to be confused with the previous "Fun With Ears." This is MORE Fun With Ears!

Click HERE to see the previous ear prank devised by Sinister Winston.

CREATURES BASED ON CHINESE WRITING

I was looking at Chinese writing and lots of them look like stick figure versions of little monsters. Here are some fleshed out versions of what I imagined. I wish I could remember which symbols each of these guys were based on. I wrote it down somewhere but lost it. I drew more of these too, but haven't rounded them up yet.

These are a couple years old now and I can't remember if I've already posted them or not. If you're looking at them for the second time I apologize.

SINISTER WINSTON'S PRANK TIME - Fun With Ears

The idea for this came to me one day when I bought some cheaper unofficial Q-Tip ripoff brand. When I used it the cotton ball came off deep inside my ear. It was a long miserable task involving tweezers and toothpicks and bent paper clips to remove it. After that experience I've always splurged and bought the real deal.

When you read the warnings on a box of Q-Tips it says DO NOT PUT IN EAR. If you don't use them in your ear what are they for? I guess they just don't want to be sued if someone pokes out an ear drum.

Speaking of warnings, this comic is for educational purposes only. Don't really do it or the victim will sue you.

KEV

I don't know what this video means but it makes me laugh. This is my brother Kevin when he was about 7 years old. Now he's all grown up with 2 kids of his own, and one is about the same age as Kevin was in this video. The part that makes me laugh most is when I see his dirty feet.

Kevin recorded this music all by himself about 10 years ago. I remember when he recorded it. I was going to offer to play something in the recording but it was some kind of strange 3.5/4-time thing so I couldn't figure it out. It's very twitchy and blink-inducing but I like it a lot.

Speaking of Kevin's kids - check out this artwork by his daughter Mimi: CLICK!

THE WAR - clay animation from 1982

Back in '82 and '83 my cousin David, my brother Kevin and I made several animated clay movies using a Super-8 film camera. Even though we were frustrated with all the film scratches and washed out colors we couldn't figure out how to make it any better with the equipment we had at the time. It's funny because nowadays professional movie studios pay big bucks to artificially reproduce this scratchy film look.

We made this film one Sunday afternoon after church. Even though it's less than a minute long, we probably spent five or six hours making it. From the all the blood and violence it doesn't appear we learned too much in Sunday School that day.

The animation in this video was by my cousin David and me. The music was recorded by my brother Kevin and me.

We kept making movies up until the day the $50 bulb in the lamp burned out. Since we only got $1 allowance each week (and usually I'd lose mine as a punishment for something) we never replaced the bulb, and the filming ended.

DUNE BUGGY UPDATE

Here's an update on the dune buggy. Lee, the dune buggy man, says we're in the home stretch. A couple things need lengthened and welded, and a windshield needs to be cut and fit to the window frame. Then the shell can be put onto the body and it'll be ready to drive.

He put little rails on the back, so I can use bungee straps and haul stuff.

The old wires had a mysterious short in them, and several wires didn't connect to anything. There were pendulous hanging blobs of knotted wires here and there. In the long run it was easier for Lee to tear it all out and start from scratch.

He put in this shorty turn signal and headlight knob. The headlight knob is right in the corner of that black metal framework.

Also he hooked up a gas gauge with a light in it for me.

These wires go to the fuel sensor.

Here you can see the new turn signals and the red Ooga horn.

The 1st time I heard the Ooga horn (I guess that's what you call it) I literally jumped. It's startlingly loud. You can hear it toned down to computer speaker volume in this video.

Lee is also making a removable vinyl top. I'm not sure how long that takes, but the buggy will be drivable this Summer with or without it.

DOODLE TIME

My one regret on the above doodle is not making the sasquatch look insane enough. He should have had violently insane and unfocused eyes, and a big open mouth with sharp teeth and drool. I guess that's why I doodled it first, so I could figure out what I really wanted.

Here's a worm's eye view of Lucy. It was taken with my old Minolta camera. The colors are warm and saturated. I can't find Minolta cameras in the stores anymore. I've owned two and loved both of them. Now I own a Kodak and every picture I take is dreary or too bright and washed out. It has about 100 settings to fiddle around with, and I don't understand any of them. The Minolta only had one setting, but every picture always turned out great every time.

My Minolta camera still works but the pictures are only 4 mega pixels, whereas the Kodak is 10. Choosing the right camera to use is a tough decision for me.

JOHNNY WEST'S HORSE

One piece at a time I'm re-accumulating the contents of my childhood toy box. Johnny West, Evel Knievel, and The Six Million Dollar Man were my favorites. Recently my friend gave me a Johnny West figure with most of the little gizmos came with. It's tough to get them all since they're 40 years old, and tiny, and kids would tend to break or lose them.

My cousin and his wife found Johnny West's horse and gave it to me a couple weeks ago. He's in pretty good shape for as much as he's probably been played with. I think his name is Thunderbolt but I'm not positive. There were a few different horses. I realize I could find out by googling it, but I'm old and lazy.

The silhouette of Johnny on his horse is pretty realistic. Woah, horse.

Horse, I thought I said "Woah."

BANG! I know what I'll do now. I'll beat you with a stick.

What's this?.. Wheels?.. He was a ...a robot?
I need to locate the saddle now. He came with some other horse-type items too. I figured the prices would be outrageous on Johnny West merchandise on eBay but they're surprisingly cheap. I have my eye on the wagon, but I suspect it'll be a long time before I win one of those for a price I'm happy about.

ELECTRIC GUITAR PROJECT part 27

I lied. I said the last guitar post was the final post for this guitar project. There was one more small step. I added an "S" logo to the headstock. I went ahead and used the aluminum "S" from the last post. Originally I didn't think it looked right but after letting it settle a few days I grew to accept it.

To get it to stick I had to remove the lacquer in that spot on the headstock. Also I made that area rough and scratchy so it would have teeth for the epoxy to grab.

The front side of the S is very shiny. I am learning it's practically impossible (for me) to take a picture of a shiny object and have it look shiny in the photo. It almost needs to be a motion picture for the glimmer to show in it.

Then the back side was made scratchy and rough with coarse sand paper so epoxy can squeeze into all the crevasses and hold.

When applying the epoxy I only used a small amount so I wouldn't have any squeeze-out. I didn't want to hold by hand until it cured, so I used erasers and whatever else was in the vicinity to keep it compressed.
That's it and I'm not lying this time. I will not cut on this guitar again. Done and done! I really like playing this guitar. It's very small and easy to handle. The action is good too. It has a rich meaty tone when it goes into a speaker. I have one more pickup like the one I used on this guitar. Both pickups were salvaged from an old demolished guitar from either the 60s or 70s. Hopefully someday this guitar will have a brother.

GUITAR NEWS

Woohoo! My guitar appeared on the GUITARZ blog! You can see it featured HERE.

I find myself looking at this blog practically every day. It's got some of the weirdest designs I've seen. Some of the nicest too. If you've ever thought about building a guitar for yourself that's a good place to find inspiration.

THE SCREAMING WILHELMS #4

This is the 4th in The Screaming Wilhelms series. If you click HERE you'll see some more.

ELECTRIC GUITAR PROJECT part 26

Finished! In only 26 easy steps! This guitar project is finally behind me. Pretty much. I have a final decision to make and then it's off the work bench.

In this last episode of ELECTRIC GUITAR PROJECT the hardware was screwed on to the face.

All the wires were fished through worm holes and pulled out the access port in the back.

Using the wiring diagram I skinned wires and twisted them together. I shortened all the wires so they were just long enough to work with, but wouldn't over-pack the compartment.
Before soldering I plugged in the guitar to make sure it got a signal and everything was wired correctly. After feeling satisfied with all the connections it was soldered together, and the solder joints were covered with electrical tape, and then the entire mess of wires was coiled down into the compartment.

The cover plate was screwed on and suddenly Bertha was alive!

The only reason I bought this soldering iron was because it looked like a space pistol. It probably doesn't work as well as others but I'm willing to suffer for it. If it ever breaks I'll probably transform it into a movie prop.

Here's a shot of the face after everything is finished (minus the strings.)

Here it is with Mei just for size comparison.

After I finished it I noticed the fret markers had turned dark gray after sanding the frets. Metal dust had worked itself down into the pores of the dowels I used for fret markers. I decided to redo them. I found some aluminum "common" nails and polished the heads so they were shiny. This picture doesn't show the shininess very well but believe me, they're shiny! Also buffing them gave the heads a convex shape which was a bonus. Now they still hit the light no matter which way the guitar is tilted.

The nails were cut short, about 1/4" long, and then the previous fret marker dowels were drilled out. I epoxied these new fret markers in place and TADA!

Here's a picture of the back of the headstock.

Here's the face. As it is now I have no logo at the top. It seems pretty plain and generic without anything up there. I Made an "S" out of aluminum and was ready to attach it and then I had doubts. Maybe it doesn't look right. I'm back and forth on it. Another idea is to mount a 2011 penny into the head. That would show the date it was finished. I guess too it would mean Made in USA. These days that's pretty rare so maybe I should capitalize on it.

Strings were attached and I plugged it in and was extremely, pleasantly surprised at both the sound and the action.






It's light and comfortable to hold, and it has very low action. Now I need to make a video.