THE SCREAMING WILHELMS #15

Here's another Screaming Wilhelms comic. It's based on my favorite grade school jokes. I am still slightly fascinated by it.

If you'd like to see more Screaming Wilhelms comics click HERE.

THE SCREAMING WILHELMS #13

Here's a new Screaming Wilhelms comic. This joke takes advantage of the comics medium. When I make comics I like to think of them as storyboards for an animated movie I would make someday in the future. This is one I wouldn't be able to use. In a minor way it actually bothers me.

If you want to see more Screaming Wilhelms comics click HERE.

THE SCREAMING WILHELMS #11

My only excuse: I am male. It's bred into us males' brains to giggle eternally at the sound of cheeks'o'flappin. Ask any guy. If a guy tells you they aren't funny then you need to watch that guy.

For more Screaming Wilhelms comics click HERE.

THE SCREAMING WILHELMS #10

This is one of those ideas that seem good and sensible at 2 or 3 in the morning, but then later in the fully awake part of the next day you wonder what you were thinking.

See more of The Screaming Wilhelms by clicking HERE.

THE SCREAMING WILHELMS #9

One of my worst fears as a kid:

See more Screaming Wilhelms comics by clicking HERE or HERE.

THE SCREAMING WILHELMS #8

And another! And as always, sorry in advance. Click image to enlarge.

There are a lot more Screaming Wilhelm comics where this came from. Look HERE for more.

PINOCCHIO VS DRACULA

ALLIGATORS AT THE GUANGZHOU ZOO IN CHINA

I remember "Yikes" being the first word that came to my mind as I entered the alligator section of the zoo in GuangZhou China. It was just a narrow bridge maybe about four feet above the water.

There was a waist-high railing on the bridge to keep short people from falling into the alligator water, but it only served as something for me to trip over and land in the water more splashy and noticeably.

Everywhere I looked in the small lake was swarming with alligators exactly as dense as you see them in this picture.

Some just stood there and stared as us with their mouths open.

Even though some appeared to be asleep, they weren't. They would snap into a violent frenzy at the slightest motion around them. Any ripple in the water could be possible food and they had to fight the others off to get to it.

This one is just waiting for some kid to fall over the railing. The others are waiting too, but are trying not to be so obvious about it.

See that hunk of pink floating in the air? That's what's left of a chicken on a string. You could buy a dead chicken on a string, on the end of a bamboo fishing pole, and torment the alligators with it. You could bounce chickens on the alligator's tails, or even their heads, and then quickly yank the chickens back up before they were snapped up at shotgun speed by alligator jaws. It was like being on a battlefield. Alligators below and chickens flying past your head from above. And I did get hit with slimy dead chickens while standing on that bridge. Nobody got mad. Everyone understood it was just the standard uncontrollable reaction of mortal terror when alligators rocket-lunge out of the water at your chickens.

When the alligator's jaws slammed shut I think I could feel the concussion of it. Maybe I'm just imagining that part but it sure did seem that way. Look at the bloody mouth on this one. He finally got his chicken.

It was cheap to buy a chicken so I got one and dangled it over the railing. Those alligators are extremely quick. I tried to keep my chicken for as long as I could but they zapped it up in seconds. They pulled pretty violently too. It was a struggle to hang onto the pole. Some kids lost their poles. It's better to lose the pole than to hang onto it and get pulled into the water.

THE SCREAMING WILHELMS #6.1 (Reworked)

Okay, trying it again. The 1st version of this comic was unclear. I hope this one makes sense. If not I'll throw it on the scrap heap. That heap is getting out of control these days. Sorry trees, for all the paper I wasted.

If you want to see some more Screaming Wilhelms comics click HERE.

And HERE for one more.

THE SCREAMING WILHELMS #6

Number six in a long run of six comics (so far) about the Screaming Wilhelms. See their earlier comics by clicking HERE.
Oh powerful and mighty flatulence joke, is there nothing you can't make greater?

UPDATE: This junky old version of the comic has been superseded by a NEWER FANCIER VERSION. CLICK!

HORRIFYING FACE (and corpse story)

This is Franklin Pangborn. He was famous performer from back in the day. I've never heard of him until now. This photo is very disturbing to me. It's difficult to explain why it creeps me out so badly. I'm wondering if it's because the guy is all gussied like a corpse in a coffin.

If I stare at the eyes long enough they look like they twitch. At the small size it doesn't bother me as bad. Click and enlarge the image for the real horror. Stare at it for at least 30 seconds. Does it seem creepy to anyone else?

This reminds me of something that happened to me as a child. My mom brought me to a funeral home to visit an old lady who had just became a widow. We walked right up to the coffin and stood there next to the dead guy. As my mom talked to the widow, I stared intently at the dead guy. If you stare at something long enough it seem to move. Of course it was all in my head but for the life of me I honestly thought it was really breathing. I swear and cross my heart I saw what looked like the dead guy taking a deep breath. I screamed out, "He's breathing!!" and my mom slapped me down and told me to be quiet.

As I stared more intently at the chest and stomach of the dead body, it looked like it would periodically do it again and again. I thought the dead guy was trying to trick us and I was the only one who knew his secret. I figured my mom didn't hear what I said the first time because she didn't get upset about the trickery, so I yelled it again.

"HE'S BREATHING! HE'S BREATHING! HE'S TRYING TO TRICK US! HE'S NOT DEAD!"

When I said it louder the widow became excited and looked into the coffin at the body. I got promptly smacked and told to shut up by my mother. This was extremely frustrating. I felt like no one was doing anything about this deceit! Why was this faker trying to trick his wife into thinking he was dead? I figured everyone would be happy about my discovery, but they weren't. I got lots of glares and stares. I remember thinking, "What is wrong with these people?! Do they not want him to be alive?"

NOTEBOOK DOODLE part-M

Sometimes it's difficult to decide which spot would be the best placement for ears. In those cases I like to use ALL the spots. Then no one will ever be able to say, "Hey! You don't understand human anatomy!"

SIR NECKLY LONGSWALLOW

I haven't drawn anything in a few days. Sometimes just a plain ol' ugly face satisfies the itch.

KEV

I don't know what this video means but it makes me laugh. This is my brother Kevin when he was about 7 years old. Now he's all grown up with 2 kids of his own, and one is about the same age as Kevin was in this video. The part that makes me laugh most is when I see his dirty feet.

Kevin recorded this music all by himself about 10 years ago. I remember when he recorded it. I was going to offer to play something in the recording but it was some kind of strange 3.5/4-time thing so I couldn't figure it out. It's very twitchy and blink-inducing but I like it a lot.

Speaking of Kevin's kids - check out this artwork by his daughter Mimi: CLICK!

THE WAR - clay animation from 1982

Back in '82 and '83 my cousin David, my brother Kevin and I made several animated clay movies using a Super-8 film camera. Even though we were frustrated with all the film scratches and washed out colors we couldn't figure out how to make it any better with the equipment we had at the time. It's funny because nowadays professional movie studios pay big bucks to artificially reproduce this scratchy film look.

We made this film one Sunday afternoon after church. Even though it's less than a minute long, we probably spent five or six hours making it. From the all the blood and violence it doesn't appear we learned too much in Sunday School that day.

The animation in this video was by my cousin David and me. The music was recorded by my brother Kevin and me.

We kept making movies up until the day the $50 bulb in the lamp burned out. Since we only got $1 allowance each week (and usually I'd lose mine as a punishment for something) we never replaced the bulb, and the filming ended.

THE SCREAMING WILHELMS #4

This is the 4th in The Screaming Wilhelms series. If you click HERE you'll see some more.

ASAP! (The Screaming Wilhelms #1)

This is the very first Screaming Wilhelms comic. There will be more to come.

BORP, ZOB and LI'L POLLY PIGTAILS

Here are some doodles from today. I haven't been very productive in the last few weeks, so I wasted some paper and ink this morning. Now I feel like this day wasn't a complete wash. That being said, here's a picture of a girl with pig butts sewn to the sides of her head.

Maybe she could be an entry in a second series of Pukey Pals cards?

BIG LOTS NEEDS TO BE MORE SELECTIVE

I find the flavor to be highly offensive.

And they spelled "Pooping Candy" wrong.

NEW ENDING FOR THE WIZARD OF OZ

Years ago I made up a new ending for The Wizard of Oz. The story happens just as it did in the original movie - up until the very end where the Wizard is giving them what they want: courage, a brain, a heart, and the ability to go home.

My ultimate wish is to find perfect look-alike actors and build the set just like in the movie, and film this and do some splice trickery to the end of the real movie. Then observe people's reactions while watching it. I guess that would be fun. Maybe after they sat through the bulk of the movie waiting for the happy payoff and then they see this I'd feel kinda guilty.
----------------------------------------------------------

WIZARD
(to Tinman)
My dear friend, do you not know
you've always possessed the ability
to have what you want?

TINMAN
Huh?

WIZARD
(pointing at the axe in
the Tinman's hands)
It is there. Your axe.

TINMAN
My axe?

SCARECROW
His axe is a heart?

WIZARD
No, but it is a tool for acquiring
a heart.

LION
W..W..We don't understand.

DORTHY
That's right, Mister Wizard. We
really don't understand at all.

WIZARD
Dorthy, my child, you are a very
brave girl.

DORTHY
Oh thank you, Sir. That's just
what Auntie Em always says. She
says I've always been a very
brave girl.

WIZARD
Yes, and do you know the reason you
are so brave?

DORTHY
I . . . I . . . No, I don't know
why. I guess I just am. That's
all.

WIZARD
You are brave because you have
backbone! . . . Good strong
backbone!

The Wizard turns to the Lion.

LION
Gulp!

WIZARD
Mister Lion, you wish to be brave.
Do you not?

LION
Y..Yes sir.

WIZARD
And why is Dorthy so brave?

LION
S..S..She has backbone?

WIZARD
Correct! That is correct, indeed,
my good Sir. So what do you think
it is you need?

LION
I..I..I..uh, I--

SCARECROW
--He needs a backbone!

WIZARD
That is right, Mister Scarecrow!
Very good!

The Scarecrow beams with pride.

WIZARD
Just as you need a brain, and the
Tinman here needs a heart.

TINMAN
So . . . How does my axe have
anything to do with all this?

WIZARD
(thoughtful pause)
Well, my friends, Let me ask Dorthy
one last question.

DORTHY
(puzzled)
Okay.

WIZARD
Dorthy, what is it you want? Why
did you come here? What do you
wish of me, my child?

DORTHY
To go home! Oh, Mister Wizard, I
want to go home! I want ever so
much to go home!

WIZARD
And home you shall go.
(to the Tinman)
Tinman? I think you know what to
do.

TINMAN
(confused)
I - I really don't, sir.

WIZARD
Your axe. Use it. It is the
answer to everything. Send her
home. Send Dorthy home . . . to
the Promised Land!

The Tinman gets a crazed, yet fearful look in his eyes.

DORTHY
What do you mean? Mister Wizard!
What are you saying?!

SCARECROW
She has a brain! Do it, Tinman!
Do it!

LION
I want her backbone!

TINMAN
(approaching Dorthy)
Dorthy, I . . . It's something I
must do.

DORTHY
What?! No! Stop! Don't come any
closer!

The Lion and Scarecrow begin closing in on Dorthy, along with
the Tinman.

SCARECROW
Dorthy, be calm. This is something
that's good for everybody. Just
relax.

LION
Yeah, Dorthy, just relax.

DORTHY
NO! NO! Stay back! What is
happening?! Toto, sic! Sic, Toto!

Toto jumps frantically to bite at the Lion.

The Tinman raises the axe over his head.

TINMAN
Dorthy, I'm sorry. I need your
heart.

WIZARD
(grinning)
Do it! Do it, my boy!

The Lion and the Scarecrow are watching in anticipatory joy.

DORTHY
No! No! No!

The Tinman swings the axe, and it hits Dorthy directly in the
side of the neck.

Dorthy's eyes glaze over and she falls to the ground. The
axe is affixed to her neck, and it stays there as she falls,
and her body settles into a still position.

The Tinman puts his foot on Dorthy's shoulder, and pries the
axe back out of her neck. It makes a wet, chunky sound as it
finally tears loose.

He swings it again, at her chest this time.

The Tinman reaches down and pulls open the freshly-made chest
wound, and puts his cold, metal hand inside.

The Tinman pulls out her heart, and stands up. He opens a
door in his chest, and slings the heart inside.

TINMAN
I'm so happy for Dorthy.

SCARECROW
Yes, she's home now.

TINMAN
Hey, I just realized, I feel love
for Dorthy! I can love! It must
be the new heart!

LION
Sweet Dorthy.

WIZARD
Well, Tinman, you aren't the only
one who needed something, are you
now?

TINMAN
Oh, Right.
(to the Lion and
Scarecrow)
Roll'er over boys.

The Scarecrow and Lion roll Dorthy's limp, heartless body
over, so it is face down.

With the first swing of the axe, the Tinman cuts off the top
of her skull. A fresh glistening pink brain is exposed.

With the second swing, the Tinman opens up her back, exposing
her juicy backbone. He makes a few more whacks to open the
full length of the spine.

TINMAN
Well, have at it, boys!

The Scarecrow and the Lion dive in.

The Scarecrow digs her brains out, and begins eating them.
His emotionless eyes stare blankly into the camera, as a
small bit of brain-pulp drops from his lip.

The Lion stands on Dorthy as he grabs her spine. With a
couple firm and forceful yanks, he manages to tug it loose.

The Lion devours the spine slowly. It is very gristly, and
crunchy.

The Lion and Scarecrow stand up, and join the Tinman.

The Lion stares at Dorthy's disgusting corpse.

LION
You know, normally, the sight of
something like that would terrify
me. But now it doesn't bother me.

WIZARD
You're brave now. See? You have a
backbone. I'm very proud of you
all.

SCARECROW
Proud. Adjective. Definition one.
A feeling of self-respect or
pleasure in something by which
you measure you self-worth; or
being a reason for pride.
Definition two. Having or
displaying great dignity or
nobility.

The Scarecrow looks very happily surprised with himself.

WIZARD
(wide-eyed surprise)
Well done, my brainy friend!

LION
Wow!

TINMAN
That was amazing!

The Lion begins staring at the Wizard. The Wizard senses the
strange stare.

LION
(talking to Tinman, while
staring at the Wizard)
Hey, let me borrow your axe. I'd
kind'a like to have some brains
like that, myself!

WIZARD
Gulp!

TINMAN
Heck, if you're gonna open him up
too, I think all three of us could
benefit.

SCARECROW
Yes, I want to love.

The Wizard begins backing up slowly, and then turns to run.

WIZARD
AAAA!!!

The Scarecrow, Tinman, and Lion chase the Wizard down the
long emerald green hallway, and out of sight.

Toto stays behind and laps up the blood of Dorthy.

FADE OUT.

THE END.

(Credits)